In the course of one week, I face the death of two very dear persons to me, a family member and a respectable collegue. One was expected, another came as a shock.

Last week on May 20th 2009, i lost my grandmother. She was diabetic for quite a long time and towards the end, the kidney even failed to function. As much as we hate it, we were actually counting the days when she would leave us, because she didn’t seem to get any better even though much has been done. My grandfather checked her blood pressure and sugar level i think almost on half-an-hour basis everyday, to ensure they maintain stable and in control. She wouldn’t eat because she simply didn’t have the appetite left, but we had to push her to eat, we forced water into the mouth and things like that, to make sure her sugar level remain at the desired number. But i guess her time was getting nearer because nothing works in the end. I had no idea she was admitted to the hospital, perhaps in her critical condition, until my mum called me on Tuesday and said that the doctor had advised the family to take her home because there was simply nothing they could do anymore.

I left in a haste, stopping by in Bentong that night at my sister’s house for a night sleep, then proceed to Kuantan the next morning to see her. When we arrived (me and my two sisters and one brother), my grandmother (we called her Mek) was still awake. But i doubt she recognized any of us. She couldn’t utter a single word, all she did was moan every now and then, and refused every drop of water we forced into her mouth. Afterwards,, she seemed to be better and calmer, no more moaning, she just slept throughout the afternoon. We thought she was fine.

So my whole family decided to go back to Bentong to drop my sister (she was due to give birth anytime then), before my parents proceed to Shah Alam. They planned to go back to work the next day, and then came back to Kuantan perhaps Friday evening. But 20 minutes after we reached Bentong, we got words that Mek had passed away. For a while we were speechless. My mum must have been devastated, but she was quiet, and all of us seemed at loss as to what we should say to console her. We were all quiet.

Then my parents went back to Kuantan right after dinner, and had instructed me to stay in Bentong and picked up my youngest brother at school on the way to Kuantan the next day. I left Bentong at 6.45 on Wednesday, with my other brother, drove with the speed 120 – 140kmj, and reached Jerantut around 8.00am. My brother was in the class, sitting his mid-year exam when we arrived and cried when we informed him the news. We rushed to Kuantan (i sped, 140, 150 kmj i was afraid the tyre would get loose and fell off anytime but sped away anyway) and arrived just in time before the jenazah was bathed. My aunties and uncles, and even Ayoh (my grandfather) seemed calm despite the emotional environment, but i simply couldn’t stop crying. 

I was not very close to my grandparents, not that they were not doting, we just were not good in expressing our affection to each other. We visited them a lot, especially when i was younger because we lived in Kuantan as well, only 15km away but we were just not that close. So i don’t think i cried because her loss leave an empty space in my heart, but i cried because i could feel the loneliness of Ayoh and my mum’s siblings, especially for Ayoh. They had been married for nearly 60 years, spending every day of their life together, and when Mek was sick, Ayoh was the one most of the times (of course the children who lived nearby helped a lot), but most of the time, it had always been just the two of them. She couldn’t see very well, so Ayoh read her the newspaper word by word. She wasn’t able to walk, or to even stand up properly, so Ayoh cooked for her, took her to the bathroom, changed her clothes, feed her. She wouldn’t want anybody else to feed her or to massage her when she’s uncomfortable, she only called for Ayoh. I once saw Ayoh fell asleep on the chair beside Mek’s bed, holding her hands. ( i never thought i’d see this kind of scene in real life, i thought it was all movie stuff kinds of things). so imagine doing that for the last many years and the routine suddenly stopped because the person you have been caring for is no longer there. I mean, the world is still spinning, nothing else has changed, but there appears an emptiness amongst it all. so I cried for him.

Later on the next Monday, i met up with Ila, who said that she was supposed to meet En.Lan, a senior officer at the office for a discussion and evaluation session. But she said that En.Lan was probably not feeling well because she saw some of our friends took him to the hospital. i think nothing of it then, because i knew, he was on medication for several reasons. i thought he was just not feeling well, and perhaps he’d be back in the office next wednesday. little did i know that he has been acting strange these past few days (according to my friends) because i was not in the office for 2 months already. it so happened that on Wednesday May 27th 2009, i left the handphone in the room for the afternoon class, and got the terrible news from another friend. She asked me right after class ended, in front of everyone:

“Aimi, sape eh En.Lan dot dot (nama dirahsiakan atas sebab-sebab tertentu)” – Azu

“En.Lan, TP dot dot…” – Aimi

“Kenapa?” – Aimi

“Die meninggal.” – Azu

And i was speechless. I hardly believed her. I repeated the names three times to make sure i heard her correctly. I simply couldn’t believe it. I mean, only two weeks ago i send words to Fye to relay a birthday wish to En.Lan, and now you’re telling me he’s passed away? Ila just talk to me about En.Lan just two days ago and now you’re telling me he’s gone? No way!!!!

So i rushed to the room to check my phone and there i had it, Fye send a simple messege that said : “en.lan dah meninggal”, apparently one hour after she told me en.lan was admitted to the ICU. I rushed to the hospital and upon reaching there, many of the bosses in the office, as well as all of his subordinates were there. They said that i could still go in and see him for, probably the last time. They said they his organs had also failed to function, and his breathing had gotten slower because they had taken off the life-support machine, and that his breath would probably stopped anytime then. But i didn’t have the heart to go, i mean the trauma of seeing my grandmother’s frozen body still lingered, and i was afraid if i see en.lan i might break down. But in the end i went, standing outside the door just to catch a last glimpse of him. And i felt a big loss.

You see, en.Lan was very, very, very dear to us. He was one of our favourite boss. He was respectable because he sure knows his stuff, and you can say to the extreme details, he was diplomatic enough in his approach to correct one’s fault, he was flexible, he has the biggest heart and was extremely generous, be it about money, knowledge, advice, anything. He was our confidant. We could ask him anything and he would attend to our inquiries with respect and honesty and open-mindedness. He distanced himself enough for us to regard him as our superior, but he was kind enough for us to treat him like a dear brother, or father. I am not good with words, but to sum it up, he was a good, respectable man and we all love him dearly.

I am not in the office currently, and i can’t imagine the impact of his death to my friends there. At least i had a gap of not seeing him for two months already and therefore, the sadness is bearable. But i don’t know how the people in the office handle it. I mean, they all pass through in front of his office everyday, sometimes more than 20 times a day (because his room is located on the main route), he joined us most of the times when we gather in a friend’s room next to his office, we saw him reading the newspaper in the room everyday etc etc. And suddenly the room is empty, not because the owner is on leave, but because he is gone forever.

I pray to Allah, that he will bless both my Grandmother and En.Lan because they have the biggest heart and had been such great persons. Al-Fatihah.

hari nie TC bersambung… volume 6, chptr 11.. happy~ happy~  saya pun bayar la $0.25 tu untuk baca. mula-mula baca dah blank, ape case tibe-tibe je luka mookyul terbukak nie? what? did i miss anything? tapi saya telah menunggu dengan sabar selama 2 minggu dan memang yakin saya tidak tertinggal apa-apa. sangat confuse. mula-mula confuse la. lepas tu jadi marah. sebab tak paham ape yang dibaca. lepas tu lagi marah, sebab tiba-tiba rupanya dah final chapter. APA???!!!! saya tak paham!!! what’s going on???

marah~ marah~marah~

bukak wordpress nak meluahkan kemarahan. bukak balik site tadi selepas log out. kekonon nak bukak site lain la. tetiba di ruangan update, TC Vol. 6 chptr 10.. apa???!!! betul la saya tidak miss membaca, tetapi mereka yang lambat upload. kejadahnya upload chptr 11 dulu baru download chptr 10… patut la saya blank.. happy balik~ hoyeah..

lepas tu hari hujan. internet pun blank. huh, jadi macam astro jugak ke streamyx nie, hujan je jam. hampeh betul..

layan twilight lagi sekali la hihi~

p.s : sekarang tengah layan nodame cantabile. dah menamatkan due season punya anime, nie baru nak start layan live-action. giler best! sila tengok. chiaki sangat cool!!!!! – saya letak sedutan satu episode di facebook for everybody’s glimpse of the anime. sila layan. iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!! <— jeritan favourite chiaki hoho… terbawak-bawak pulak..

p.s.s : demam american idol kembali lagi.. sukenye adam lambert! kakkoiiiii!!!!!!

1. skip beat is my favourite manga.

2. its main charatcters are Mogami Kyoko, Tsuruga Ren and Fuwa Shotaro.

ren - kyoko - sho

3. Kyoko evolves from a naive girl who was being bullied by Sho into a strong yet vindictive yet clueless young actress and join the show business to get back at Sho.

4. Tsuruga Ren is an established actor, so good-looking and so talented too. Kyoko and Ren grew close because they are in the same agency, and later, acted in the same drama.

5. Ren is attracted to Kyoko for some reason, and so does Sho. Huh, biler orang lain nak baru dier sebok nak jugak. Sho keji! I’m on Ren’s side. I want Ren to hook up with Kyoko.

6. I’M ROOTING FOR REN!

7. today i read news on the manga going to be adapted into live action –> turn-off factor number one : it’s going to be a Taiwanese version. I hate it! Should just stick to Japanese.

8. The actor who is going to play Ren is Jerry Yen –> he’s cute allright but he can’t be Ren! Ren is not cute! Ren is handsome, manly, mesmerizing, anything but cute!! ( i couldn’t be bothered to put his pic here. he doesn’t worth it. just in case you’re wondering, he’s the one who played Dao Ming Si in Meteor Garden.)

9. seriously, didn’t the producer(s) read the manga beforehand? before they chose the actors? God, i am suuuuper-disappointed!!!! Give Ren some credit!!!!

on the way back to KL this evening, my sister and i reminisce over the old japanese supehero series during our time, that is in the early 90s. we talked about gaban and his laser sapi, kesatria baja hitam and his belalang tempur, flasman, maskman, etc, etc. and tonight, i find myself surfing the net for infos and photos of the beloved superheroes. i remember i fall so deeply in love with kesatria baja hitam because he was so damn handsome (in his human form, not the superhero suit – i detest the belalang eyes!). and i thought gaban was like the coolest superhero ever, but when i look at his photos just now, only one thought actually crossed my mind : “huduh lalu mamat gaban nie” muahahahaha.. enche gaban, sila jangan kecik hati.. mamat baja hitam tu, emm.. bolehlah .. so-so la.. (takde la sehuduh gaban hauuuu…)
anyway, bila difikirkan balik, memang kelakar zaman-zaman tu. berlari balik dari mengaji nie nak tengok citer-citer tu. bodo je sebenarnya. tak masuk dek akal. sama la dgn citer atromen tu, lampu dah berkelip baru tau nak melaser, dari awal dok buang masa belasah resakse-resakse durjana tu. tumbang jugaklah 13, 14 bangunan sekali lawan. kasihan sungguh jepun nak buat reconstruction banyak-banyak kali huhuiiii…
agaknye kalau usha youtube mesti banyak klip citer-citer nie kan? dah lupa pun cemaner plotnye, cume ingat kesatria baja hitam tu paling setia dengan motor dier belalang tempur dan wira perkasa tu (tak tau la nama betul depa dalam jepun ape tapi bile dimelayukan jadi cenggitu ek?). sungguh taat kedua-dua motor nie. taat dan bijaksana. baja hitam panggil je dengan sendirinya muncul motor-motor nie. hebat sungguh mereka merempit tanpa mat rempit.
adeh, ok, penat dah gelak. tulis sambil-sambil tengok klip dan gambar-gambar lame citer nie. lawak la.
selamat mengimbas kenangan masa lalu… daa…

sudah lama tinggalkan nekoparis. bukak-bukak sudah lain. haha.. bagus jugak ada space for QuickPress. tak payah susah-susah mencari. ok, takde idea nak tulis apa. takde juge gambar menarik. jadi, cuma nak share lirik lagu kegemaran minggu ini. kalau saya ada pakwe (dan kalau suara saya sedap), saya nak nyanyikan lagu nie untuk die. siapakah die? hmmmm

Eternal Flame :

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling,
Do you feel my heart beating,
Do you understand,
Do you feel the same,
Am I only dreaming,
Is this burning, an eternal flame

I believe, it’s meant to be, darling,
i watch you while you when you’re sleeping,
You belong with me,
Do you feel the same,
Am I only dreaming,
Is this burning an eternal flame

Say my name, sun shines through the rain,
A whole life so lonely and then you come and ease the pain
I don’t wanna lose this feeling … ooohhhh..

p.s Selamat Pengantin Baru buat fahmi, aishahwarya and pu3yati (dapat pegi kenduri aishahwarya je.. tu pun habes sesat barat haha..).. fahmi dah kawen, dah tak boleh dibuat lelaki simpanan lagi hahahahaha… anyway fahmi, aku doakan kau berbahagia.. nak karaoke masih boleh ajak aku haha..

depressing je tajuk tu kan haha..

saya tengah menggilai lagu tema Quateng oh Soleh tu, yang bertajuk Cara Lain Untuk Mati (Another Way To Die), nyanyian Jack White of White Stripes dan Alicia Keys.

bila membaca review tentang lagu ini, kebanyakan orang tidak menyukainya. peduli ape. saya tetap suka. saya suka liriknya, saya suka arrangement. i simply like it. takde ape-ape sebab.

saya pasang lagu itu dari youtube berkali-kali setiap malam. malam ini saje dah dekat sepuluh kali. kalau jiran sebelah boleh dengar, harus bengang.

saya tak dapat nak download the song properly. kalau tak, tentu sudah jadi ringtone saya. sungguh cool la. teteteteteng! <– guitar strum intro lagu tu haha…

lessons learned from watching Ketenangan di Alam Kesengsaraan (Quantum of Solace – atau Quateng oh Solehhhh bak kata tazril..) :

Ciri Utama :

1. Mempunyai rupa paras yang amat kacak, atau amat jelita, dengan body to die for, body yang orang tengok je terus meleleh ayaq liuq (in other words, insanely gorgeos dan hot!)

as suave as ever

2. Mempunyai (atau dibekalkan dengan free oleh kerajaan) kenderaan dan gadget2 mantap lagi power seperti Aston Martin DBS V12, Sony Ericsson C902i (oh saya hampir2 beli .. cuma tak cukup duit je, kalau tak, tentu lagi selangkah di hadapan untuk jadi Super-Unggul-Spy..) dan lain-lain .. giler c902 tu boleh amik gambar dari jarak almost 100metres.. wa cakap lu..

3. sudah tentu kena pandai bergaduh dan lawan-lawan.. serta pandai guna pistol dan pelbagai jenis senjata api..

4. mestilah berani tahap tak masuk akal punyer .. serta cerdik.. kalau dah bunuh orang tu, pepandai la nak bersihkan crime scene. kalau tak, datang je horatio caine terus boleh tau 007 punya angkara.. (owh, lupe, 007 has license to kill.. how absurd..)

Ciri Sampingan :

4. Kena pandai memandu segala jenis kenderaan di muka bumi ini, hatta speedboat, bot nelayan mahupun kapalterbang. kalau memerlukan, mesti jugak tahu bawak kereta kebal. yang paling penting, mesti tau bawak kenderaan tu walaupun gearnya manual..

5. Mempunyai ilmu kebal supaya kalau bergaduh bagai nak rak pun, paling kuat calar sikit je kat muka (tu pun still kelihatan hot nak mamp..). juga supaya tidak akan terkena walau sebijik pun peluru walaupun ada 33 orang tembak sekaligus pada dier. owh, pengajaran dari Casino Royale, kena kebal, supaya, walaupun dah mati sakit jantung tetap boleh hidup balik dengan bantuan de-fib.. huh mantap!

6. Kena pandai mengayat.. ayat ada pelbagai kategori, seperti sweet talk, ugut2 manja, ugut2 keji, pukul dan tumbuk dan tendang dan lain-lain yang.. ehem.. agak keji nak disebutkan..

cukup la tu. banyak lagi ciri-ciri yang seseorang tu kena ada kalau nak jadi Super-Unggul-Spy. hoho..

p.s Official Theme Quantum of Solace, Another Way To Die by Jack White and Alicia Keys is smashing!

owh, ini bukan entry untuk komen pasal kontroversi Abby Abadi, Norman Hakim dan Memey Suhaiza (takde kaitan dengan hidup dan mati aku), tetapi pasal personaliti manusia yang bardarah jenis AB. Kalau di Jepun, on every (or most) write up celebrity ke, politician ke, mangaka ke, even anime or manga character, mesti ada tulis blood type. contohnya :

Physical Information

Name: Uchiha Itachi
Age: 20 (Deceased)
Sex: Male
Birthday: 06/09
Bloodtype: AB
Height: 175.2 cm (Pt 1)
Weight: 57.1 kg (Pt 1)
Bloodline: Sharingan Eye

jadi saya pun surf la web untuk tengok jenis personaliti saya yang berdarah AB nie.. saje la, nak jugak compare, same ke dengan diri saya yang sebenar.. inilah hasil dapatan saya :

People with blood type AB are hard to categorize. They can have characteristics on both ends of the spectrum at the same time. For instance, they are both shy and outgoing (ok). They easily switch from one opposite to another. AB people are trustworthy and responsible (yeah baby!), but can’t handle it when too much is asked of them (pout..). They don’t mind doing favors or helping out, as long as its on their own conditions. People with this blood type are interested in art and metaphysics.

Uchiha Sasuke (hoh tak sangke..) , Hongo Yui, Tomo, Trowa Barton, Kenshin

AB is considered the worst blood type (hey!!!!!). In predictability-loving Japan, they’re loose cannons. They also like to set their own conditions and reserve the right to drop out when things don’t meet their expectations. They’re known to be sensitive and considerate—at times—but it just isn’t enough to balance out the flaws in this blood type. For a while, some companies tried dividing their employees into work groups based on blood type, and no one wanted to work with the AB group (what the hill????). Anime villains are likely to be type AB (OMG kejiiii…).

takpe la, i am in the same blood group as uchiha itachi (dan adiknya uchiha sasuke yang sungguh adorable masa kecik tapi sungguh dibenci bila dah besar), if it’s any consolation.. wahwahwah..

uchiha itachi, my beloved

kepada peminat-peminat manga naruto, tentu kenal siapa uchiha itachi nie. dari awal-awal dulu, saya memang peminat itachi, walaupun selepas dier menjadi jahat dan menyertai akatsuki. saya sungguh tidak yakin bahawa beliau boleh berubah menjadi jahat begitu. setelah bertahun-tahun mengikuti perkembangan manga ini, akhirnya terbukti keluhuran hati itachi, terutamanya kasih sayangnye pada sasuke dan konohagakure. saya mengaku, menangis saya baca!!! tapi malangnye, pengorbanan itachi itu disia-siakan oleh sasuke, or so it seems, so far. haiii .. susah nak cari pemuda macam itachi sekarang.. takde dah..

p.s fye, kalau kau baca jugak entry nie, jangan marah. aku dah warning..

abang danny @ james bond 007

tak sabar nak tunggu quantum of solace .. lately, bila pegi pawagam, 5 minit sebelum movie started, saya mesti sawan. sawan bila keluar trailer QoS tu. daniel craid is so, so, so very juicy!! yak ak auuu (memetik kata echah)…

6hb juga heroes season 3 keluar. hoho.. hmmm.. esok kena marathon season 2 nie, dulu tengok merapu-rapu je, sebab horatio lagi penting, walaupun peter pitrelli tu sangat HOT!

6 november juga saya dapat baca perkembangan mookyul eun dan ewon jung..

sungguh sibuk nampaknye!

p.s to frens yang datang ke rumah hari nie, thanks a million. kalau sup yang buat soto tu sedap, ketahuilah, saya yang buat (harharhar gelak bangga) dengan bantuan fisha dan mid sebagai tukang rasa dan tukang tambah gula sebab terlebih masin (hikhikhik gelak segan dan malu…).. gambar sangat banyak, akan cuba upload sebanyak mungkin.

p.s.s. itachi sangat cute tetapi sangat twisted! why???

p.s.s.s terjumpa sketch mangaka totally captivated tentang muka lee gungwon mase muda.. giler ensem nak mamp! (ok, korang sumer tak perlu paham..)