masa umur saya 18 tahun, saya pernah ada crush pada sorang mamat nie.. dier tak berapa hensem (brad pit lagi handsome la..) tapi manis la, terutamanya senyuman dier huhu .. tapi saya tak berani nak mengorat beliau. lalu seorang kawan saya menawarkan diri untuk menjadi match maker kami .. beliau kata kadang-kadang beliau chatting di internet beliau perasan mamat tu join forum chatting tu jugak. saya kata ok lah, cubalah padankan kami.. macam biasa la, awal-awal kawan saya chatting dgn mamat nie, of course la dier tak direct je bagi hint-hint bahawa saya suka kat mamat tu, mereka berborak macam biasa dulu, orang kata ‘to build the rapport’… dah lama-lama chatting pun takde jugak hint-hint pasal saya minat mamat tu. last sekali kawan saya nie dengan jujurnya memberitahu bahawa beliau pulak yang ‘ter’tangkap cintan dengan mamat tu .. cisss … harapkan monyet, monyet makan pisang!!!! tapi saya tak frust pun, sebab itu hanya wild crush, bukan tangkap cintan punya on my side.. haha .. tapi, saya tidak bertegur sapa dengan kawan saya tu start dari confession dier sampai la sekarang. bukan saya frust pasal mamat tu, tapi saya rasa dikhianati oleh kawan yang saya percaya. saya dengar kawan saya tu sempat la couple-couple lovey dovey dengan mamat tu kejap, lepas tu break … hikhikhik … (saya tengah gelak jahat …) .. saya rasa last year saya berjalan-jalan di sekitar KL, terjumpa mamat nie, tengah pegang banyak plastik bag. saya tegur la, beliau kata beliau temankan mak beliau shopping .. ya ak awww … nasib tak couple dengan dier, anak mak rupenye .. fufufu ..
Dari awal aku tak pernah
percaya kata-katamu
Karena ku hanya melihat
semua dari parasmu
Terakhir kau bilang padaku..
kau takkan pernah selingkuh
Tetapi ternyata dirimu..
bermain di belakangku
Saat ku melihatmu
kau sedang bermesraan
dengan seorang..
yang ku kenal…
O ow.. Kamu ketahuan..
pacaran lagi..
dengan dirinya..
teman baikku…
O ow.. Kamu ketahuan..
pacaran lagi..
dengan dirinya..
teman baikku…
Kembali ke **
Tapi tak mengapa..
Aku tak heran..
Karena dirimu..
Cinta sesaatku…
(O ow.. Aku ketahuan…
pacaran lagi…
dengan dirinya…
teman baikmu…) 2x
Perkara 1 :
Saya sangat gembira dengan keluarnya Saida (ok la tu … dengan goyang-goyang bahu beliau) daripada Akademi Fantasia. Personally, saya rasa AF dah jauh menyimpang dari niat sebenar untuk mencari bakat, memberi peluang dan melahirkan penghibur yang unggul dan berkaliber di Malaysia, instead, AF dah jadi rancangan yang terlalu ‘commercialized’ kerana bakat-bakat di AF tu (terutamanya this latest series) bagi saya (yang sangat tinggi expectationnya) adalah sangat tidak layak dan hampeh (except a few yang saya rasa not bad la …). mesti ada orang yang kata bahawa mereka yang mencuba nasib itu lebih baik daripada yang tak cuba langsung, walaupun persembahan mereka sucks like he**, tapi bagi saya, if they cannot sing properly or at least, decently, they should not even bother trying, because my ears bleed listening and watching to their lousy performance. i mean, u look at mawi, mila, siti nurhaliza, jacklyn victor, those are high – quality singers and performers. those are the people who get offered to sing at international / regional showcase or award ceremony and such - someone who takes his job and talent seriously and striving to do better, knowing those are the fans’ expectations. i personally couldn’t imagine nubhan buat persembahan di AIM atau Anugerah Bintang Popular etc, not when he sings out of tempo, off-tune, pitching like all over Selat Melaka and all. Wake up people! Nyanyi la bagus-bagus … Bila dah masuk AF or Malaysian Idol or 1 in a million tu or whatever reality show, maknanya the whole malaysia is watching, bukannya setakat satu sekolah, atau satu kampung atau satu supermarket atau satu kelab! Saya taknak la bandingkan dengan peserta American Idol kerana saya rasa cita-cita itu terlalu tinggi tetapi saringan dan pemilihan peserta mereka tu sangat ketat dan peserta yang terpilih are acutally up to that standard. tapi ini pendapat peribadi saya, sapa nak condemn, condemn la. everyone has the right to voice out their opinion.
Perkara 2 :
Midesmidesmides semalam shop till she drop! beli tv dan dvd player (yang ada USB slot). dapat barang yang bagus, brand not bad tetapi dengan harga yang sangat berpatutan. memandangkan midesmidesmides beli tv, saya pun beli la tv rack (harganye rm32.90 je .. sangat kedekut haha …). tv rack tu elok-elok je muat tv tersebut. lepas tu kami tukar interior design kat area tv rack tu . sempoi, dengan tv rack di tengah-tengah dan 2 rak buku di kiri dan kanan, tv area kami nampak macam home theatre set pulak hahaha .. sekarang kami tunggu dining table fishesfishesfishes je untuk melengkapkan rumah tersebut. olalalala ….
Perkara 3 :
Saya masih terkapai-kapai nak buat keje. pandang kiri, macam takde tujuan, pandang kanan, takde tujuan jugak. depan dan belakang, sama jugak … haiiiii ….
Perkara 4 :
saya nak cadangkan kepada sesiapa yang suka baca novel cinta yang roamntis, old-school romance and stuff like that, baca la buku nicholas spark. saya punbaru mula berjinak-jinak tapi ada la 5 bijik dah saya khatamkan. sangat touching. i cried (memalukan ..). 2 buku yang saya sangat suka ialah the notebook dan the wedding. kan bagus kalau lelaki-lelaki sebegitu masih ada dan nak kat saya uwawawawa …
Sekian.
sometimes i wonder, would anybody miss me if i’m gone?
i’m not very close to my family, i grew up in a boarding school, so i see my family once every a fortnight, and over the years, i see them less and less, once a month, sometimes, once every two months. i never share anything with my father and mother, and neither with my sisters and brothers. i might have been the best of my siblings – i got fairly good grades, i played hockey to represent the district (none of my siblings plays any sports), i got good job in the civil service, i stay out of trouble, i never talked back to my parents if they scolded me, i never asked for money directly. BUT i also am a big spender, malas balik kampung, malas memasak, sangat suka tengok tv dan tido etc etc which constitutes a disobedient child. sigh .. maybe they will miss me when i’m gone, but i think, that’s about it.
i don’t remember having any ‘bestest of friends’ in school. i mean, i make friends with everyone, but i didn’t get particularly close to anybody. and i don’t have a boyfriend in school. >sad< (i guess none of them would miss me when i’m gone. it’s good enough if they actually remember who i am, or that i even existed in SHAH Pekan)
i have 2 ‘bestest friend’ during matriculation years. i share like almost everything with them. i was 18 and never had any bestest friend, so they were the ones i confided about everything in my life for that previous 18 years. i didn’t worry about not having a boyfriend then, bacause i have them. (but mind you, i almost get myself a boyfriend, before some ‘tragedy’ happenned sob..sob..). but now we are so apart, because we went to different university, different courses, different jobs, different states. they are always close to my heart, always very close, but somehow the distance makes our communication less and less. i think the last time i contacted either one of them was like, 5 months ago? we have cellphones nowadays, but i think neither of us feel so obligated to stay in touch more often. and so, i don’t know what really is going on in their life, and i bet neither do they know about mine. would they miss me when i’m gone?
the first ex. ah yes, the first ex.. he was very special. period. but he has moved on with his life, and so do i. we move on. would he miss me when i’m gone?
another bestest friends are 2 special people i met in university. they were my coursemates. we went to class together, we ate breakfast, lunch, dinner together, we went outing together, stay up the night before the exam togeher, stay awake for 3 days straight finishing our thesis together.. we did everything together (except sleep and bathe together haha).. but as we move on to life after the uni years, i grew apart from them. i don’t go surf the internet that often, and when i do, i don’t go chit -chatting or yahoo-messengering with them. plainly put, i don’t know what’s going on with their life, unless they tell me. and i don’t think i have any story to update them because my life is so bloody ordinary, so i just didn’t bother to stay in touch. unless something important pops up like one of them has given birth or getting married or stuff like that, we would not be in contact. my fault? u can say that. will they miss me when i’m gone? not so much, i think.
the current participants in my current life means so much to me. my former boss taught me about almost everything about my job. in the years i’ve worked wth him, i think, i have grown to be someone that couldn’t care more about the office politics or how my future in this office would turn out, but rather, to go on with life as they come, and accept everything with open hearts. he makes me realize that most of the times, life doesn’t go the way we want it to be, but GOD is most merciful, HE gives us just about everything we needed. it’s just how we percieve his ‘kurniaan’ or ‘anugerah’ that makes a different about which course of life to take afterwards. and my staff were just so understanding and helpful, that i am more open in my communication with them. i didn’t confide everything to them but having someone much more senior and motherly close by when my mother is quite a distance away, most of the time, i feel at home there. i hope, when i’m gone, they wil miss me (with good thoughts!)
i have great collegues here in the office. different personalities, different backgrounds, different age and different about everything else, except that we love to gossip and b*t*h about the people or the policy or the situation or whatever it is in the system under the sun that doesn’t go along with our ‘ideology’. we would b*t*hed about the weather, the aircond, the windows, the rooms, sometimes menial and meaningless things, sometimes about masalah negara, sometimes about masalah negara lain, etc etc. we hope to make a difference (kind of) to everything we discussed, but most of the time, we just love to gossip and pour our hearts’ content for others to listen. if these people doesn’t remember me when i’m gone, i’d come back from the grave and haunt them until they do hahahaha … because i gossip about so much with them that they should remember me huhuhu …
the 3 most important person in my life today are the people in this blog header. i’d love to think that i shared everything with them, and i think i do. i don’t think i’ve hold any secrets away from them. let me think. no, no secrets at all. my life is an open book to them. i think i inform (inform is such a formal word, but anyway) about every event happenning in my life, even the small ones, like “aku kat bentong nie, tengah tengok AF” or “aku kat kuantan nie, panas giler kat sini” or “bencinya aku beli sofa tu 600 tapi kat sini jual 900!!” or “dier takde la handsome sangat pun tapi kenapa aku suka dier” or “aku ingat nak beli almari la” etc etc. it became a habit, naturally, but only with them. i guess, i learned that by not keeping in touch very often, i’d somehow be lost and that people would forget me. and the last person i want to forget me was them 3 people. i hope they won’t forget me.
i am ordinary and plain. i don’t have much to offer. my existence doesn’t really makes a difference to the people around me, or to the world. but i hope, i will not be forgotten.
a friend email me this. i just thought i’d share with everyone who read this so that we can all reflect back upon our life yesterday, today and tomorrow. don’t pay too much on the ‘God-Me’ thingy as it was just some sort of a ‘perumpamaan’, but pay attention to the messages it conveys. i think this is a good read.
God: Hello. Did you call me?
Me: Called you? No.. Who is this?
God: This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.
Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.
God: What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.
Me: Don’t know. But I can’t find free time. Life has become hectic. It’s rush hour all the time.
God: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results.
Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.
Me: I understand. But I still can’t figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.
God: Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.
Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?
God: Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.
Me: why are we then constantly unhappy?
God: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That’s why you are not happy.
Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?
God: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.
Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty.
God: Pain is inevitable able, but suffering is optional.
Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?
God: Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don’t suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter.
Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?
God: Yes. In every term, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.
Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can’t we be free from problems?
God: Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.
Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don’t know where we are heading..
God: If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.
Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?
God: Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you road ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.
Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?
God: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.
Me: What surprises you about people?
God: When they suffer they ask, “why me?” When they prosper, they never ask “Why me”. Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.
Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I can’t get the answer.
God: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not merely a process of discovery but a process of co-creation. You are my co-creator.
Me: How can I get the best out of life?
God: Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence.
Prepare for the future without fear.
Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.
God: There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.
Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat.
God: Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don’t believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live. “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that took our breath away!
[Ella:]
Ku berjanji,
Berjanji mencintaimu sepenuh jiwaku
Ku tak akan mendustakan cinta kekasihku
Agar kau dapat menerima cintaku
Ku selalu, merindu cintamu
Yang selalu ada di jiwaku
[Chorus:]
Aku tahu kau pun cinta
Tapi malu tuk berkata
Usah kau ragui cintaku
Ku tetap merindu
Aku tahu kau pun cinta
Tapi malu tuk berkata
Ku tunggu jawapan cintamu
Ku tetap merindu
Di saat ini hatiku rindu belaian cinta darimu
Ku harap kau merestui cinta dariku
Yang selalu setia menunggu dirimu…
Sebenarnya, sepatutnya hari ini saya kena pegi kelas bahasa perancis, tetapi partner saya tidak dapat pegi kerana masalah peribadi, jadi memikirkan saya juga malas nak tempuh kl yang jam tu sorang-sorang, jadi saya tidak pergi juga. saya pun buat la tag TIGA yang cachah dah tag kepada saya sejak 13 kurun yang lalu :
senaraikan TIGA item/perkara berkaitan…
Dalam laci di pejabat
Dalam laci di bilik tidur
Dalam laci di dapur
Dalam handbag/manbag
Dalam wallet
Nama teratas dalam phonebook
Nama paling last dalam phonebook
Nama speed dial
Souvenir paling dekat dengan kamu sekarang
Stationery berwarna merah yang terhampir di sekitar kamu
Kawan-kawan yang nak ditag…
sekian, terima kasih.
i change unit today.
it feels different.
of course, the job specs are different, totally.
i move to a bigger room, where everything is bigger.
bigger table, bigger chairs, bigger closet, bigger rack.
and it got a sofa set (not very nice, but now i have my very own sleeping couch ..)
and way too many storage space. too many drawers.
but less magnetic walls.
and a magnificent view, facing the lake and the mosque.
wow … i read two pages of things and fell asleep .. zzzzz …
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